I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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