I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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