whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
