remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
