i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
