I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party