Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings