how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
