Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I touched a dick in church today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.