No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Randomize
