My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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