i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
