What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
