I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
