Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
