Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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