is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
