things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
