did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
