I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
