My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
