She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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