I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
