i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
