grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
