Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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