I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
