I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
