Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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