you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize