Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
