Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
