Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
