You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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