i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
