I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
