Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
