Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
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I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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