did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
