she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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