I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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