I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
