I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
