i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
