Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
