Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize