I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
