Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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