The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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