I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
