Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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