eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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