I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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