I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
