So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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