i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
