WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
