when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
