do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Boobs are out for the taking
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
