Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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