She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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