nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We got so high we made milksteak
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
