Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
