So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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