She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My first STD was from a foam party
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
