Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
