your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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