peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
